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31. Writing Your Own Rules of Motherhood
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What does it mean to be the “perfect” mother?
And is this a standard that we should even remotely be trying to live up to?
For some background, listen to episode 26 where I chat with Dr. Sophie Brock, a mentor of mine who specialises in this area and with whom I completed my Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification. She has a fantastic podcast called "The Good Enough Mother" that you should definitely check out.
Firstly, let's acknowledge the pressure. Social media, movies, even our own upbringings bombard us with unrealistic expectations of what motherhood should look like. This constant comparison can be a recipe for guilt, shame, and exhaustion.
Professor Andrea O'Reilly outlines eight societal rules of perfect motherhood that contribute to this myth. These include the idea that mothers must be the sole caregivers, available 24/7, prioritise their children's needs above all else, and constantly strive for perfection. It's an impossible standard!
Here's the liberating truth: there is no such thing as a perfect mother. Dr. Sophie Brock shares that internalising these pressures can lead to significant stress, anxiety, and depression.
The good news is, we can rewrite the rules!
Here's how to get started:
- Identify your triggers. Notice when you feel that familiar guilt or shame. Is it mealtimes? Screen time? Make a note of these situations.
- Challenge your thoughts. These triggers are clues that you're holding yourself to an unrealistic standard.
- Rewrite your rule. For each trigger, write down a new rule that reflects your values and priorities as a mother. For example, "I am a good enough mother when I get healthy food on the table most nights, not every night."
- Embrace "good enough." Remember, your worth is not defined by your mothering. You are inherently good enough.
This journey of rewriting the rules is empowering. It allows you to create a motherhood experience that works for you and your family.
Remember, you are strong, capable, and enough exactly as you are.
Links:
Episode 26 with Dr Sophie Brock
The Good Enough Mother Podcast
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