My Experience With Antidepressants

ME + MOTHERHOOD with Benita Bensch

Life comes with its fair share of ups and downs, but there are moments when the downs can feel overwhelming - insurmountable even.
Personally, I’ve had a few episodes of poor mental health in my lifetime - patches of anxiety and depression that I’ve learnt how to manage. However, in 2022, I got to my lowest point with it, even experiencing symptoms of psychosis.
When I first considered going on antidepressants during this time, it felt like a big, daunting step. And though I would encourage anyone else in my life to not feel shame, the idea of going on antidepressants still made me nervous.
Today, I want to shine a light on this topic so that anyone feeling shame around taking medication can begin to shed that feeling and know they’re not alone.
I’m sharing my personal experience with antidepressants, both while taking them and after deciding to come off the medication.
While on antidepressants, I actually found that I could begin to reclaim parts of my life that had felt lost to depression. I had more energy, more clarity and slowly but surely, more hope.
Yet, as effective as they were, I always knew that I didn’t want to be on medication forever if I could help it. After a period of stability and having learnt tools to manage my mental health, I decided to come off the antidepressants completely, without tapering the dose.
It’s been intense: agitation, fatigue, difficulty sleeping - and a lot of crying. I’ve even gotten to the point of being unable to parent. Yet, I have hope. My research shows these are common symptoms, and I’m looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.
Of course, there are times I question myself: What if my symptoms return? What if I’m unable to cope?
I may go back on them, and I know that’s totally okay. If you are currently on antidepressants, know that you are not alone. There’s no shame in taking medication, whether it’s for a short period or for the rest of your life. Each person’s experience with mental health is unique, and so too are the tools they use to navigate it.
I hope that sharing my experience can offer some insight and comfort if you are struggling. I know that as we continue to support one another and share our stories, we can together dismantle the stigmas and shame surrounding mental health.

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