Dating with Herpes: You’re Still F*cking Fabulous...and Absolutely F*ckable

The Pretty Uncomfortable Podcast

You're told you have herpes. It feels like your life is over. Will you ever have sex again? Will anyone ever want to date you if they know? Is your dating life completely OVER?

I'm here to tell you...ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY NOT. Your dating life does not need to suffer simply because you have an astonishingly common virus. I'm here to drop a big bomb on you....having herpes doesn't make you special. It doesn't make you unique. It makes you just like BILLIONS (according to WHO World Health Organization) of other people walking along with you on this planet.

After my diagnosis in 2018 I went through the rollercoaster of emotions- self-hatred, shame, and embarrassment. All I knew of herpes was what I had learned in sex-ed; which means I knew, well, NOTHING. I could only reference back to jokes I had heard, crude references from movies and sitcoms, and the Google images showcasing the absolute WORST of the worst case scenarios. So obviously, I thought I had a zombie vagina that everyone would run from.

That zombie vagina of mine? I'm here to tell you, it's in high demand. Herpes has absolutely not stopped me from having not just a thriving dating life, but a thriving SEX LIFE.

In this episode I share the evolution of my life with herpes- from my diagnosis and the shock of realizing it was apparently NOT a big deal at all, to learning how to navigate the treacherous world of dating while having a virus that most people are incredibly mis-informed about.

I have made a conscious decision with this episode to NOT take the educational route. I feel better equipped to share with you in the way that I do best- storytelling. If you would like further education and facts on the subject, I have included some helpful links below as well as links to some of my favorite Instagram accounts that have been absolutely invaluable to me through this journey.

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HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS HERPES

This is probably one of my all time most favorite articles EVER, regarding herpes. If you read nothing else, this is the article to read!

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WHY THE CDC DOES NOT RECOMMEND SCREENING FOR HERPES

Most people are absolutely shocked to find out that herpes is NOT part of the standard STI testing panels. Most believe that they have been tested for everything, because they have been TOLD that they were tested for everything. But most likely, herpes was NOT a part of that test. Find out why in this article...the reason will probably shock you!

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Ella Dawson's Incredible TEDX Talk on Herpes-

STIs AREN'T A CONSEQUENCE, THEY'RE INEVITABLE

For anyone new to navigating a herpes diagnosis, consider this required listening material. It is a MUST!

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Instagram Accounts that I Adore:

Sexelducation run by Emily L. Depasse MSW Med

I love this page for the way that Emily presents the data in a way that is fun and easy to digest. This page has helped me SO much through my journey, helping to educate myself and to realize more and more that shame doesn't belong anywhere in the same room as my diagnosis.

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Positive Results

This page is no longer active, but don't let that deter you from going down the rabbit hole of all of the amazing posts that it offers. I learned soooo much from this page on how to disclose throughout my dating career. This page has truly been invaluable to me throughout the years. This is the page that has the meme that I use on my dating profiles- HSV+ AND I'M STILL FUCKING FABULOUS

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and then there is SAFE SLUT. In my opinion...the GOAT

This page gives me absolute LIFE. Her approach to a subject as stigmatized as herpes is one filled with humor and just absolute EMPOWERMENT. Gives. Me. LIFE.

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My DMs are always open to continue the conversation. Please always feel safe to come to me if you want to chat about herpes!

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