Trust is 99% this...

Dating Kinky

Most people see trust as what others do.
I don't.
At least not most of it.
Maybe 1%, maybe 10%, to me, is what people do. The actions they take, their word or their truths.
The rest, that 90% or 99%? That's all me (or all you).
Trust is trust in yourself. Your ability to handle whatever someone offers you.
And when you don't trust, you don't believe you can take what they might throw at you. Your worry is not their lies, but your reaction to their lies. Your hurt, your betrayal, your heartbreak.
Trust is a deep dark mirror of your fears.
I wrote back in 2017:
--
Trust: I can count on this person to meet my needs before their wants, at least while with me.
- My need to feel safe before their desire to get off.
- My need to feel heard before their instinct to defend themselves.
- My need to connect on an intimate level before their excitement for edge play.
- My need for the truth over their fear of… whatever.
--
And that is still true-ish.
But I've realized that the TRUST is not about them. It was never about them. It's about me, and my ability to accurately assess these things in others.
To not second-guess myself.
To handle whatever comes my way, sure, but also to avoid most of the bad things through honing my instincts and paying attention to what people show me about themselves.
Find the full transcript for this episode here. https://datingkinky.com/blog/healthy-boundaries/trust-is-99-this/
A few more links about trust:
- https://datingkinky.com/blog/lifestyle-thoughts/trust-in-kink-is-a-very-different-beast-for-me/
- https://datingkinky.com/blog/healthy-boundaries/i-trust-until-they-show-me-they-cant-be-trusted/
- https://datingkinky.com/blog/healthy-boundaries/do-you-trust-you/