Season 1, Episode 61: CLOCK SUCKERS FROM THE WAIST DOWN

The Hate Napkin

CLOCK SUCKERS FROM THE WAIST DOWN

And the THN Tony Award goes to Colin from Los Angeles, with an epic Hate Letter! Everyone hates Clock Suckers—you know, those mid-level managers who walk around the office with a clipboard, pretending to be busy while everyone else grinds it out for a living.

Colin’s tale of Clock Sucker revenge is one for the Podcast Hall of Fame!

Next, the show takes an adult entertainment turn, as special guest, and resident finger gesticulation expert, Jordyn, shows off her toys that make noise. Wait, what’s that? Oh! Children’s sound-making toys? Um, totally different. True, there’s nothing worse than being jarred awake at 2 a.m. by a blue toy Mustang programmed to play “Bat Out of Hell.”Now, back to the “other” toys that make noise.

Try as we may, we find it hard to hate battery-powered dildos programmed to moan at the push of a button. Actually, this could be a great educational tool for men—they need sound effects and directions. As special guest Carla from Burnt Korn, Alabama, puts it: “If I put fucking road signs down there, men couldn’t read them.”

Co-host Arik considers other possible road signs: “CAUTION. CERVIX AHEAD. DEAD END.”

Carla again: “Nah. How about a button women can push where men care about something other than themselves!”

Sound engineer Pauly from Bali: “I have a feeling that button is very close to that other little button men have a hard time finding.

”Next, can’t we just let troubled celebrities die in peace?

A “moving” tribute to Anne Heche. Ellen is now with Portia, but Anne died in a Mini Cooper. Sigh.

THN QOTD: “My whole life has been a cleanup on Aisle 5.”

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