E. 18 Pt.2 - Unsolicited Advice: What Motivates Us to Give Advice?

That's So Deep

Hello So Deep Peeps!

Welcome to That’s So Deep. This is the podcast where we try to root out loneliness one conversation at a time. Today we are talking about Unsolicited Advice Part 2: What Motivates Us to Give Advice?

Some deep things we cover:

1. We are a Helpful Species: We made it this far because people know how to work together and collaborate. Advice can be a way that people try to help.
2. But Sometimes We Can Be Unhelpful (oops!): There are times when we give advice out of our own neediness and our own powerlessness. We may not feel like we have control or agency in our own lives so we give advice to feel a sense of power or emotional validation.
3. Let Me Give You Advice to Make You Stop Talking: Sometimes friends ruminate on a problem and we give advice in hopes of stopping the flow of complaints. We discuss a more direct approach that may be worth a try.
4. Being Teacher All the Time: There are folks who want to be teacher ALL THE TIME. It can be excruciating. We share some thoughts on how to try to view them with compassion and also let them know that you don’t need their advice.

Take-aways:

1. Relationship Balance: Ask yourself if your go-to people can also go to you and vice versa. Are there people who come to you but you can’t go to them? How does it make you feel in these relationships? How do these relationships work for you? If they don’t work for you, what needs to shift?
2. Check Your Motivations Before/During/After Giving Advice: Find friends who can help you grow in these areas. If you find yourself spouting advice because your life is a bit chaotic and you’re feeling needy…acknowledge that, apologize and ask for help. You can check your motivations at any point in the process.
3. Have Faith in People: Trust that others are on their journeys and they don’t need you to advise them every step of the way. Try encouragement in lieu of advice. You may find it might just yield better results.

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We love you and we can’t wait for our next deep conversation!

Yours in Becoming,
Phyllis & Julie

Resources and articles we referenced:

1. Let's Talk: Make Effective Feedback Your Superpower: Huston, Therese
2. Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well: Stone, Douglas, Heen, Sheila
3. The Essentials: Giving Feedback - Women at Work | Podcast on Spotify
4. Types of Unsolicited Advice That Cause Stress
5. How to Handle Unwanted Advice by Setting Boundaries