“There is hope”: Recovering from pornography addiction

OCF Crosspoint Podcast

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Show Notes:

In January 2023, Pensacola OCF hosted a one-day workshop to discuss sexual brokenness and unwanted sexual behaviors like pornography addiction and to introduce solutions for healing and wholeness. CAPT Brent & Nicole Breining, USN (Ret.), led sessions throughout that one-day workshop, and they join me today on the podcast as we begin a series of episodes focusing on similar topics.

Brent and Nicole share their story and the impact that porn had on their marriage in this episode, and their remaining three Crosspoint episodes will cover topics such as the nature of addiction, the shame cycle, and the neurochemistry of the brain.

Having reached a breaking point in their marriage in 2012 and recovered since then by God’s grace, Brent and Nicole talk about why that addiction placed such a strain on their marriage, how God worked through accountability partners in their healing process, and more. Above all, their desire is for listeners to understand there is hope and that God can restore anyone struggling with problematic sexual behaviors.

Brent retired from the Navy in 2017 after a distinguished 27-year career, and he currently serves as a Foursquare Institutional Chaplain with Pure Desire Ministries, through which he helps men walk in sexual purity and break free from unwanted sexual behaviors.

Nicole received a Bachelor of Science in biochemistry from the University of Illinois and a Doctor of Pharmacy from the University of Illinois at Chicago, going on to work as a hospital pharmacist for 25 years. Nicole also has been working with Pure Desire Ministries, leading their betrayal and beyond groups for spouses for about three years. Both Brent and Nicole are accredited pastoral professionals.

As you listen to this conversation with Brent and Nicole, here are a few questions to ponder in your personal time, with a small group, or with a mentor:

1. How can the church establish a culture of grace, especially as applies to this topic of addiction?
2. Brent refers to Ephesians 5:25, which says “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” How does this verse shape your view of emotional intimacy in marriage?
3. Brent talks about the iPhone’s contribution to an increased accessibility to pornography in recent years. What steps can you take to ensure your own devices aren’t contributing to addictive behaviors?
4. How does our freedom in Christ set us free from the shame of our secrets?
5. Nicole talks about realizing her husband’s struggles with pornography prompted her to react in sin as well. If you’ve been hurt by someone else’s sin, what’s the value of not using their sin as license to sin in response?
6. If you’re struggling with addictive behaviors, sexual or otherwise, what positive habits can you establish to replace those behaviors?
7. Why is assessing your heart posture in all things so critical?

Loads of Resources on this topic

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Men):

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man’s triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Roberts, T. (2021). Seven Pillars of Freedom (5th ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Ward, G., Wiles, J., & Wiles, T. [Executive Producers]. (2013). Conqueror Series: The battle plan for purity [Video series]. KingdomWorks Studios.

Problematic Sexual Behavior (Women):

Books:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2019). Unraveled: Managing love, sex, and relationships. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Stringer, J. (2018). Unwanted: How sexual brokenness reveals our way to healing. NavPress.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 20). The Female Addict and Unraveled (No.

172) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-female-addict-unraveled/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 19). What If My Betrayed Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 185) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-betrayed-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, March 8). How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your

Sexual Betrayal (No. 244) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/how-to-help-your-spouse-heal-from-your-sexual-betrayal/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 22). The Impact of Sexual Addiction w/ Dr.

Adrian Hickmon (No. 281) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-impact-of-sexual-addiction-w-adrian-hickmon/

Video Series:

Kolb, H. [Editor]. (2020). Sexual Integrity 101 [Video series]. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Betrayal Trauma:

Books:

Kolb, H., Jameson, A., & Roberts, D. (2022). Betrayal & Beyond: Healing the trauma of sexual

betrayal (3rd ed.). Pure Desire Ministries International.

Pure Desire Ministries. 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (ebook). https://puredesire.org/free-ebook-7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Steffens, B. & Means, M. (2021). Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and

Heal (2nd ed.). Armin Lear Press Inc.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, November 3). Boundaries in Recovery (No. 174) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/boundaries-in-recovery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, May 11). What If My Struggling Spouse Doesn’t Want

Healing? (No. 201) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-if-my-struggling-spouse-doesnt-want-healing/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 13). Hope for Betrayed Men (No. 210) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/hope-for-betrayed-men/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, July 27). 7 Keys to Understanding Betrayal Trauma (No.

212) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/7-keys-to-understanding-betrayal-trauma/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, February 1). Women’s Takeover #1: Healing From

Betrayal w/ Dr. Barbara Steffens (No. 239) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire

Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/womens-takeover-1-healing-from-betrayal-w-dr-barbara-steffens/

Healthy Sexuality:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Roberts, T. & Roberts, D. (2010). Sexy Christians: The Purpose, Power and Passion of Biblical Intimacy. Baker Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 9). Soul Ties (No. 105) [Audio podcast episode]. In

Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/soul-ties/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, July 30). Sexual Discipleship w/ Juli Slattery (No. 108)

[Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/sexual-discipleship-w-juli-slattery/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, April 26). The Good Guide to Great Sex w/ Dr. Keith and

Sheila Wray Gregoire (No. 251) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-good-guide-to-great-sex-w-dr-keith-sheil-wray-gregoire/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, November 1). The Four Pillars of Sexual Love w/ Dr. Juli

Slattery (No. 278) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-four-pillars-of-sexual-love-w-dr-juli-slattery/

Young Adults/College Age:

Books (Young Men):

Bennett, B., Butcher, B., & Roberts, T. (2016). Living Free. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Books (Young Women):

Bradley R. & Roberts, D. (2012). Behind the Mask: Authentic living for young women. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2018, January 30). Living Free w/Ben Bennett (No. 30) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcast/living-free/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, January 12). Groups for Young Women (No. 184) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcast/groups-for-young-women/

Parents:

Books:

Roberts, B. & Kolb, H. (2018). Digital Natives: Raising an Online Generation. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Wright, R. & Wright, T. (2020). How to Talk with Your Kids About Sex. Pure Desire Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, August 13). What Parents Need to Know about Porn

(No. 110) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/what-parents-need-to-know-about-porn/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Pastors/Chaplains/Churches:

Books:

Laaser, M. (2004). Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction (3rd ed.). Zondervan.

Roberts, T. (2008). Pure Desire: How one man’s triumph can help others break free from sexual temptation. Regal.

Stumbo, N. (2017). Safe: Creating a Culture of Grace in a Climate of Shame. Pure Desire

Ministries International.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2021, August 3). The Effects of Pornography w/ Josh

McDowell (No. 213) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast. https://puredesire.org/podcasts/the-effects-of-pornography-w-josh-mcdowell/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, October 27). No Shame Churches (No. 173) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/no-shame-churches/

Singles:

Books:

Gregoire, S. (2022). The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex (2nd ed.). Zondervan Books.

Gregoire, S. & Gregoire, K. (2022). The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex. Zondervan Books.

Slattery, J. (2018). Rethinking Sexuality: God’s Design and Why It Matters. Multnomah.

Podcasts: https://puredesire.org/podcasts/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2019, September 17). Love, Sex, and Dating (No. 115) [Audio

podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/love-sex-and-dating/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2020, March 31). Getting Healthy Before Marriage w/ Drew

Boa (No. 143) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/getting-healthy-before-marriage-w-drew-boa/

Stumbo, N. & Winsor, T. (Hosts). (2022, July 26). Unmet Longings & Unhealthy Behaviors w/

Ben Bennett (No. 264) [Audio podcast episode]. In Pure Desire Podcast.

https://puredesire.org/podcasts/unmet-longings-unhealthy-behaviors-w-ben-bennett/

Miscellaneous:

Books on Trauma:

Falk, K. & Goldberg, J. (2018). Struggle Well: Thriving in the Aftermath of Trauma. Lioncrest.

Van Der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books.

Websites:

Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists: https://www.apsats.org/

Authentic Intimacy: https://www.authenticintimacy.com/

Pure Desire Ministries International: https://puredesire.org.