We wrap up the Near Abby Cinematic Universe with a farewell (for now) series finale. We've had a great ride, but all great rides must come to an end, at which point you have to decide to get back in line again. And now the line is, like, so long. So, maybe try again next year? In this episode, we go back to our recording roots, pick on pick-up artists, and help a lonely, not-bad-looking guy find his Queen. Gross! So why are things ending just as they've begun? In all honesty, we were running out of time to give this project the care it deserved. But we wanted to feel complete about what we've done so far, so instead of letting two and a half episodes linger in the ether, we offer a meaningful goodbye and close the lid on what we've published - and just chalk the whole thing up as a miniseries. That makes it fancy. Will we ever truly be Near Abby? Like all great quests for wisdom, the journey never truly ends. So long for now, Nearies. - UNQUALIFIED NEAR ABBY…

What's a podcast without a BONUS episode! Some of you advice purists might've noticed we didn't actually give any advice on episode two, so we're going back in time to October 10th, 2001, to give the goods for all you advice sticklers out there - with a completely new relationship-focused write-in! BUT FIRST listen to episode two and definitely check out episode one first, you non-chronological fools! LADIES: Is your man checking out other women right in front of you? Cop a turtleneck and a heavy jacket and let him know you ain't playing. In this BONUS episode, we tackle men vs. women social norms in relationships, the importance of communication, and also discuss how ridiculous of a name Errol is. And does Abby believe in second chances or is she the purist stickler we know? Find out how Near we are today on this BONUS episode of Near Abby!…

We throw ourselves a curveball for this second episode when a reader writes in to give his thoughts WITHOUT asking Abby for advice. Does that stop us from giving any? You bet it doesn't! We talk about how easy Abby's life must be, reflect-ception by reflecting on Abby's reflections, and highlight Ben's lifelong love for Emma Stone. And when Abby gives us a two-line response after our own thorough discussion, are we getting any nearer to Abby? Or nearer to a fortune cookie writer?? Find out on another exciting episode of Near Abby!…

It's our first episode! Welcome to "Near Abby," the show where two very talkative yet very unqualified friends take old Dear Abby entries and attempt to offer their own equally snappy, completely unsolicited advice. We dive head first into episode 1 of "Near Abby" by giving some backstory on Dear Abby, ruining the movie "Se7en," and discovering VERY quickly how unqualified we are to give advice to strangers from the past! Plus, did we save print journalism by creating a podcast? Find out on our very first episode! Enjoy!…