16: Relationship Dynamics and The DIVCON Scale

Make More Love

In this episode of "Make More Love," we explore the various states of relationship health through the lens of the DIVCON scale, inspired by the DEFCON levels used by the United States Army. Ellen Dorian breaks down each level, from DIVCON 5 (stable and normal) to DIVCON 1 (almost the point of no return), and provides practical tips and strategies for each stage. Whether your relationship needs a bit of excitement or a full reset, this episode will help you understand where you stand and how to move forward.

Part 1: Inspiration for this episode

• Relationships go through many stages and are rarely a straight line.
• Different episodes focus on different levels of relationship health, from bringing back fun and passion to tackling serious problems.
• Introduction to the DEFCON levels and how they inspired the DIVCON scale for relationships.
• Detailed explanation of each DIVCON level with practical tips for addressing issues at each stage.

Part 2 DIVCON Levels and Practical Tips:

DIVCON 5: Stable and Normal

• Description: Everyday life feels stable and normal. You've reached the passion level on the relationship hierarchy of needs.
• Practical Tips:

1. Make Date Night Special: Plan and set dates in advance to break the routine.
2. Try New Things: Keep the excitement alive with new activities together.
3. Connect Daily: Make a conscious effort to connect every day for at least 10 minutes.

Recommended Episodes:

• Episode 7: Master Date Nights
• Episode 10: Adventures to Deepen Your Relationship

DIVCON 4: Increased Concern Needing Awareness

• Description: Relationship feels more like roommates than lovers. It's routine and lacks passion.
• Practical Tips:

1. Nip This in the Bud: Halt the slide and make a commitment to change.
2. Practice Gratitude: Acknowledge something you appreciate about your partner daily.
3. Communicate Daily: Increase efforts to communicate regularly and meaningfully.

Recommended Episodes:

• Episode 5: Why Work-Life Balance Won't Protect Your Relationship
• Episode 6: Power Up Your Relationship Energy

DIVCON 3: Heightened Risk

• Description: Relationship is breaking down slowly. Everything feels stagnant.
• Practical Tips:

1. Deep Introspection: Identify and change behaviors contributing to stagnation.
2. Deep Conversation: Have an honest conversation with your partner about reconnecting.
3. Create a Deliberate Plan for Shared Activities: Start doing things together and minimize separate social activities.

Recommended Episodes:

• Episode 3: Why You Should Keep Working on Your Relationship
• Episode 11: Toxic Words

Part 3: Advanced DIVCON Levels and Conclusion

DIVCON 2: Imminent Risk of Divorce

• Description: Relationship is a cold war with quiet hostility and deep resentments.
• Practical Tips:

1. Assess Your Willingness: Determine if you're willing to do the work to repair the relationship.
2. Seek Professional Help: Get support from a coach or therapist for both individual and couples work.
3. Discern Issues: Understand where the relationship is going off track by gaining deeper insights.

Recommended Episodes:

• Episode 4: Relationship Dynamics
• Episode 9: Men Are Not Clueless

DIVCON 1: Almost the Point of No Return

• Description: Relationship is in a hot war with constant fighting and no desire to improve.
• Practical Tips:

1. Find Neutral Ground: Move apart temporarily to gain breathing room.
2. Preserve or Recover Your Honor: Stop open hostility and aim to regain integrity.
3. Repair the Relationship: Work on repairing the relationship, especially if you have children.

Key Takeaways:

Assess Relationship Health: The DIVCON scale helps you identify the current state of your relationship and what specific issues to address.

Tailored Strategies: Each DIVCON level has specific, practical tips to improve your relationship, from reigniting passion to seeking professional help.

Seek Professional Support: At higher DIVCON levels, professional support from a coach or therapist is essential for navigating complex issues and fostering a healthier relationship.

Call to Action:

If you have any questions or need personalized advice, do not hesitate to reach out. Ellen offers a free Relationship Reset Call to help you on your journey to a more fulfilling and passionate partnership. Visit relationshipresetcall.com to schedule your call today.

Closing Thoughts:

Understanding your relationship's DIVCON level is the first step to making positive changes. People are incredibly resilient, and even at the highest DIVCON levels, it is possible to remake your relationship if both partners are committed. Stay tuned for future episodes with more tips and strategies to help you bring back the fun, reconnect, and address problems before they escalate.

Support & Resources:

Ellen invites listeners to share their thoughts, either in the P3 Insider's Community or directly with her via email. Or, for one on one brainstorming on a specific situation, listeners can set up a time on Ellen's Calendar for a free Relationship Reset Call.

Here's the link for the Table Topics Couples Edition— 135 conversation starting cards tailored for couples.

https://a.co/d/02ZKdmXK

All other links can be found below.

"Until next time, remember, 'What I want most in the world is for you to Make More Love in Your Life and with Your Wife.'" - Ellen Dorian

Make More Love Show Website: www.makemorelove.show

Parent Company: The Passionate Partners Project: www.passionatepartnersproject.com

Join Our Passionate Partners Insider Community: https://www.facebook.com/groups/682764239165105

Contact Me Directly: Email: [e-mail]

Or direct message me via social media:

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ellen.dorian.7/

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ellendorian/

Or set up a Free Relationship Reset Call with me here:

relationshipresetcall.com