Modern Love podcast

1:01:44

Sam Graham-Felsen never imagined being lonely. Throughout his childhood and as a young man his life revolved around his friends. But when Sam got married and then had kids, going out with his friends almost felt like a luxury. After years of focusing on everything in his life except friendship, Sam began to realize he was missing something essential, and he decided to get his friends back. On this episode of “Modern Love,” Mr. Graham-Felsen describes how he went from being a boy with a wealth of deep friendships to finding himself feeling lonely as an adult, and what he did to bring friendship back into his life. Read his essay “Where Have All My Deep Male Friendships Gone?” in The New York Times Magazine. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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The Kind of Pain She Wanted 46:35

il y a environ 10 jours46:35

46:35

For her entire life, Grace Hussar has been an overthinker. No matter how much she wanted to be in the moment, she always felt as if she was just outside it. But when she took up endurance running, she realized something: Extreme pain turned her thoughts off. She wanted more of that feeling — more pain and less overthinking. As a mother of two with a happy partnership and a career in finance, what she explored next surprised her. On this week’s episode of “Modern Love,” Hussar talks about her essay, “ The Kind of Pain I Wanted .” Hussar shares the story of how she discovered that rope play and kink were the keys to newfound presence and pleasure in her life. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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How to Stop Asking 'Are You Mad at Me?' 43:57

il y a environ 17 jours43:57

43:57

“Am I in trouble?” “Am I secretly bad?” These are questions Meg Josephson, a therapist and author, grew up asking herself. She was constantly trying to anticipate other people’s needs, worried that she was letting other people down. And it wasn’t until she found herself standing in the aisle of a Bed Bath & Beyond, trying to remember her favorite color, that she realized her desire to please everyone was eroding her sense of self. On this episode of Modern Love, Josephson talks about how that realization led her to confront her tumultuous childhood, and what it took to stop “people pleasing.” She reads the Modern Love essay “ My Three Years as a Beloved Daughter ” by Erin Brown, about a woman who found a type of love in her best friend’s parents that she had never experienced before, and what that taught her about her own parents. Josephson’s book, “Are You Mad At Me?,” is available Aug. 5, 2025. Read more about Meg Josephson, and how to break the habit of people pleasing, in this article by Jancee Dunn. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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Reneé Rapp on Blurring the Line Between Bestie and Lover 36:42

il y a environ 24 jours36:42

36:42

The pop singer and actress Reneé Rapp has a deep love for her friends. She maintains a nonstop group chat with more than 15 close friends every day. Their lives are so intertwined that the line between platonic and romantic can sometimes get blurry, particularly since many of them have dated each other. Rapp, best known for her role in the Broadway musical and new film adaptation “Mean Girls,” has an upcoming album, “Bite Me,” which delves into the intimacy and messiness of friendships, not just romantic relationships. Mirroring her album’s themes, Rapp walks Anna Martin through various vulnerable moments she has recently shared with friends, including one with her best friend and former “The Sex Lives of College Girls” co-star Alyah Chanelle Scott. It’s no surprise that Rapp chose to read the Modern Love essay “ This is What Happens When Friends Fall in Love” by Sammy Sass. The piece resonates with her own experiences of sustaining love within queer friendships. While Rapp says she doesn’t have a blueprint, she has learned to navigate misunderstandings and express genuine love to those closest to her. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times. Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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How to Keep Love Alive, With Rob Delaney of ‘Dying for Sex’ 37:04

il y a 4 weeks37:04

37:04

When we meet Rob Delaney’s character, “Neighbor Guy,” in FX’s limited series “Dying for Sex,” he’s scarfing down a burrito in an elevator, dripping food on his face and the floor. But Delaney’s performance reveals that under Neighbor Guy’s messy exterior is a man capable of deep vulnerability and empathy. “Dying for Sex” follows a woman named Molly, played by Michelle Williams, who is dying of cancer and desperate to experience sexual pleasure before it’s too late. At first, Molly thinks Neighbor Guy is disgusting, but the two soon discover they make sense together, sexually and emotionally. Williams and Delaney received Emmy nominations for their roles. Today, Delaney tells host Anna Martin why exposing the messy and painful parts of ourselves to other people can be rewarding and hilarious. He talks about tending his own relationship and reads a Modern Love essay about a couple who decides to try some role play to avoid getting too comfortable with each other. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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Let Mel Robbins Share Her 5 Tips for a Healthy Relationship 50:21

il y a 5 weeks50:21

50:21

The best-selling author and motivational podcast host Mel Robbins is known for her blunt advice and viral wisdom, from The 5-Second Rule to countless proverbs on relationships, confidence and everyday stuck-ness. Her most recent book, “ The Let Them Theory ,” has given her readers a fresh perspective for navigating disappointment, rejection and uncertainty in life. Today, Robbins shares fives tips for letting go of control, and explains how these transformed her marriage and her relationship with her kids. She also reads a Modern Love essay, " You Have to Let Go to Move On ,” about a woman who finally learns that real love doesn’t come from holding on tighter. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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‘The Interview’: Ocean Vuong was Ready to Kill. Then a Moment of Grace Changed His Life. 50:52

il y a 6 weeks50:52

50:52

This week on Modern Love, we’re bringing you a conversation we liked so much that we’re envious we didn’t get to have ourselves. In a raw but deeply heartfelt and compassionate conversation with “The Interview" host David Marchese, author and poet Ocean Vuong talks about the real reason he became a writer. Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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To Share or Not to Share? How Location Sharing Is Changing Our Relationships 32:54

il y a 7 weeks32:54

32:54

When we asked Modern Love listeners how location sharing is affecting their relationships, the responses we got were all over the map. Some people love this technology. Some hate it. But either way, it has changed something fundamental about how we demonstrate our love and how we set boundaries around relationships. Today, we’re sharing a few of our favorite listener responses. Then, Host Anna Martin talks with Arlon Jay Staggs, a Modern Love essayist who has wrestled deeply with whether to share his location. At first, location sharing wasn’t a big deal for Staggs and his mother. He took a lot of long drives, and it made sense for her to keep tabs on him. But when he realized his mother was watching his little blue dot too closely, and it was causing her stress when she needed peace of mind, Staggs decided the sharing had to stop. He just couldn’t figure out how to tell her. And when tragedy struck his family, the stakes of his decision to share or not share became a lot higher. Today’s episode was inspired by the essay “ Every Move I Make, She’ll Be Watching Me. ” Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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‘Materialists’ Director Celine Song Believes in Love at First Conversation 32:22

il y a 8 weeks32:22

32:22

The director Celine Song won over audiences and critics alike with her first feature film, “Past Lives,” the semi-autobiographical tale of a married Korean American woman meeting up with her former childhood sweetheart. Now Song is back with another story about love called “Materialists.” This time the main character is a matchmaker, a job that Song did briefly in her early 20s. Today on the show, Song reads Louise Rafkin’s Modern Love essay “ My View From the Margins ,” about a relationship columnist who can’t figure out love in her own life. And Song tells us how neither falling in love at age 24 nor making a career of writing about love has brought her any closer to understanding it. “It’s the one thing that makes me feel like a fool,” Song says. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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Open Your Heart and Loosen Up! Therapist Terry Real’s Advice for Fathers 58:27

il y a 9 weeks58:27

58:27

For Father’s Day, the Modern Love team asked for your stories about fatherhood and emotional vulnerability. We heard from listeners who told us that their dads rarely expressed their emotions, from listeners whose fathers wore their hearts on their sleeves and from fathers themselves who were trying to navigate parenting with emotional honesty and sensitivity. Your stories had one thing in common: even just a peek into your father’s emotional world meant so much. On this episode of Modern Love, we hear your stories about your dads. Then, Terry Real, a family therapist, returns to the show to offer his advice on being a father while also showing kids what it means to be emotionally vulnerable and available. He offers his philosophy around parenting through a combination of techniques. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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First Love Mixtape: Side B (Encore) 22:01

il y a 10 weeks22:01

22:01

In last week’s episode , the Modern Love team shared the songs that taught us about love when we were young. But in this week’s episode, we hear from you, our listeners, about the songs that helped shape your ideas about love. We heard from present-day teens streaming their anthems on repeat, and we heard from listeners who have been with their partners for over 50 years. There were stories of jazz and rap; adrenaline rushes and loneliness; and many hard-won lessons in matters of the heart. (“Don’t let your friends choose your boyfriends,” Amy from St. Louis said.) We share a compilation of some of your songs and stories in the first half of our episode. And we finish our episode with an essay about the end of love . After more than 50 years of marriage, Tina Welling decided that she wanted a divorce — a decision that turned out to be liberating. Thank you to all of the listeners who sent us their teenage anthems. We’ve compiled them into one glorious Spotify playlist . [You can listen to this episode above, or on Apple Podcasts , Spotify , Amazon Music or wherever you get your podcasts.] Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

1
First Love Mixtape: Side A (Encore) 21:06

il y a 11 weeks21:06

21:06

This episode of “Modern Love” features Lisa Selin Davis’s essay “ What Lou Reed Taught Me About Love .” She writes about how the song “ I’ll Be Your Mirror ” became the soundtrack to her summer romance with a floppy-haired “rocker kid” who inadvertently helped her find healing. Then, we hear from some members of the “Modern Love” team about the songs that influenced them as teenagers and about the memories — funny, empowering, nostalgic — that they carry with them. Stay tuned for next week’s episode, where we’ll hear from our listeners about the songs that taught them about love. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night. 39:43

il y a 12 weeks39:43

39:43

Elizabeth and Jeff were best friends. They did everything together, from early-morning runs to late-night karaoke sessions. They came up with secret code names for each other and went on undercover missions in their neighborhood. They fought, and made up, and fought some more. Beneath their playful dynamic, an attraction was growing between them, but Elizabeth never wanted to risk the friendship by exploring it. Then Jeff got sick, and things changed. In this episode, the story of a once-in-a-lifetime friendship, from the very beginning to the very end. This episode is adapted from Elizabeth Laura Nelson’s 2025 essay Friends for 16 Years. Lovers for One Night. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

1
Why Boys and Men Are Floundering, According to Relationship Therapist Terry Real 37:15

il y a 13 weeks37:15

37:15

A session with Terry Real, a marriage and family therapist, can get uncomfortable. He’s known to mirror and amplify the emotions of his clients, sometimes cursing and nearly yelling, often in an attempt to get men in touch with the emotions they’re not used to honoring. Real says men are often pushed to shut off their expression of vulnerability when they’re young as part of the process of becoming a man. That process, he says, can lead to myriad problems in their relationships. He sees it as his job to pull them back into vulnerability and intimacy, reconfiguring their understanding of masculinity in order to build more wholesome and connected families. In this episode, Real explains why vulnerability is so essential to healthy masculinity and why his work with men feels more urgent than ever. He explains why he thinks our current models of masculinity are broken and what it will take to build new ones. This episode was inspired by a New York Times Magazine piece, “ How I Learned That the Problem in My Marriage Was Me ” by Daniel Oppenheimer. The “Modern Love” podcast team is planning a second episode with Real, focused on fatherhood. He has agreed to give our listeners advice on fatherhood, whether you’re an experienced dad, an expecting dad or otherwise dad-adjacent. For example, maybe you want advice on how to parent in a world filled with so many mixed messages about how men should be or on how to repair a mistake you made as a dad. Maybe there are elements of fatherhood you’re still figuring out or are unsure of. Record your questions as a voice memo and email them to modernlovepodcast@nytimes.com . Tips for recording: Please avoid recording where there is a lot of background noise. If you are using your smartphone to record your voice memo, please speak into your phone’s built-in microphone from a few inches away. Your recording may not be usable if you use Bluetooth earbuds or if you are too close or too far from the phone. It works best when you tell us your story as if you are speaking to a friend rather than reading it from a written statement. Be as concise as you can, and please listen back to it to make sure the recording is complete. You can find further tips for recording here, and find our submission terms here . Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times . Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story . Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.…

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A Mother’s Fierce, Extravagant Love (Encore) 22:18

il y a 14 weeks22:18