100. Why Teens Turn to Destructive Behaviors: A Conversation With Previously Struggling Teen Ciara Fanlo

Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

From a very young age, Ciara felt like she didn’t belong. Cutting was just one of her destructive behaviors to cope with the pain she felt: not knowing how to be in the world with how sensitive her heart was.
Ciara Fanlo is a previously struggling teen who spent the majority of her adolescence in treatment, including inpatient hospitalization, wilderness, and therapeutic boarding school. Reflecting on her past, she recognizes how sensitive she was as a child and teenager. She often felt like an alien, like she didn’t belong, and couldn't articulate her feelings at this age, constantly wondering, “What is wrong with me?”
“I think what sensitive people really need is nearing and connection. Because it’s so overhwelming at times to feel feelings that deeply and that richly.” - Ciara Fanlo
In this conversation, Ciara offers an intimate look into the thoughts and motivations of a struggling teen who turned to unhealthy and destructive behaviors to cope with her pain.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Why does my teen cut themselves?” or “Why doesn’t my teen go running to release tension instead of using drugs?”, this episode is invaluable for parents like you (and me).
This conversation is your next step towards understanding and supporting your struggling teen.
“You don’t have to fully understand. You can be curious” - Ciara Fanlo
One of the many powerful messages Ciara shares today is that your teen is not acting out to make your life difficult. When you know better, you do better. And just like Ciara at that age, your teen is simply doing what they know.
“My baseline experience of just being in my body in my life was miserable. I felt so low, and so down on myself and I was so insecure and felt this total discomfort. This feeling of everything being wrong, including me. So any time there was some kind of promise of relief from that, I would grab it with both hands” - Ciara Fanlo
I’m incredibly grateful to Ciara for this valuable and vulnerable conversation, providing us a glimpse into the mind of a struggling teen. Have a listen now!
In this episode on why teens turn to destructive behaviors, we discuss:

• A glimpse inside the mind of a struggling teen, her thoughts, and motivations;
• How can you support your sensitive kid or teen?;
• Why would my teen cut themselves?;
• Unshaming our uniqueness;
• How did Ciara get out of her destructive behaviors?;
• Why do our teens cope with unhealthy behavior instead of healthy behavior?;
• Understanding that your teen is not trying to make your life miserable;
• And much more!
  

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. As a teen, she went through multiple treatment interventions, including inpatient hospitalization, wilderness therapy, and a therapeutic boarding school.
After recovering from those challenging and painful years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.

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